


Damaged

by Trainmaster64



Series: Belle Saga [3]
Category: Thomas the Tank Engine & Friends, Thomas the Tank Engine - All Media Types
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Hurt/Comfort, Male-Female Friendship, Painful Sex, Rape, Rape Aftermath, Rape Recovery, Sexual Abuse, Trains, Unrequited Lust
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-10-03
Updated: 2011-10-03
Packaged: 2018-03-30 11:22:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,896
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3934972
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Trainmaster64/pseuds/Trainmaster64
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Belle remembers a chapter of her past that she would much rather have forgotten, leaving her feeling dark and broken. A friend helps her to see the wholeness of herself.</p><p>Story 3 of 6.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Damaged

Belle was resting in her shed at the Sodor Search and Rescue Centre. It had been a grueling day, and she was exhausted. The long hours were really starting to get to her – not that she minded being really useful. She simply wanted a moment to breathe, to rest and recover for the next emergency.

“Why can’t everyone just be safer?” she asked herself.

“I’ve asked myself that same question for years.” With a chuckle at Belle’s start, Flynn the Fire Engine rolled into the sheds alongside her. “No one understands proper health and safety. That’s why we’re here. We take care of everyone else… we keep them all safe and protect them from danger.”

Belle smiled at her friend... then, an odd expression crossed her face; it was as if she had just been told some very unsettling news.

Flynn noticed, and knew what it was about; Belle occasionally had these moments. “You’re thinking of him, aren’t you?”

Belle sighed, looking down at her buffers. “It seems like it was only yesterday, Flynn. I’m afraid he’ll just come in here right now and…” Belle began to shake slightly.

“Calm down, Belle. Remember, we’re here to work through this together. He won’t come here to find you. He’ll never touch you again.”

Belle moaned, slightly reassured but still nervous. She hated these sudden attacks of fear and desperation, all resulting from those months of agonizing hell… back when she was enslaved to a truly vicious monster…

***

It had been many years ago. Belle had been a regular engine at work on the mainland, specifically the Western Region. A Standard Class 4MT, Belle was painted in a beautiful shade of green, with orange and black lining and green wheels. She looked beautiful – most other engines in her class were painted black, and Belle was one of the few engines that wore the green livery.

Her beauty was only overshadowed by her confidence. Belle was one of the strongest engines in the yard, regularly pulling some of the heaviest stopping trains to time. Her personality was always bright and bubbly; Belle would always say ‘hello’ to any other engine she met and engage them in conversation. She was very outgoing and more than willing to use her strength to help her friends.

John was a powerful tank engine, a Thompson Class L1 from the East with the strength to pull a house down. One of the biggest engines in the yards and one of the older ones at that, he worked hard at pulling the local stopping trains. These were often loaded up to the point where he worked harder and harder to keep to time. To his credit, his design was well-thought out and executed to the extent that the heaviest trains were well within his abilities.

Belle had instantly been taken with his foreign yet masculine design – strong yet slightly refined, he was truly an engine that many of her friends would love to be with. Interestingly enough, when John noticed how Belle was interested in him he began to develop interest in her… though it would turn out that Belle and John’s interests were very different from one another.

The two engines began to see each other more and more, sharing a shed together and sharing intimate moments together in the moonlight. Belle was truly convinced that John was her true love, and that he loved her as much as she loved him – with all of her heart.

Unfortunately, it was not long after that when things began to go wrong.

***

It had been some months since John and Belle had started seeing each other. Those who had noticed started to see some changes in Belle… for one, she was definitely much quieter and less vocal than before. She had gone to the workshops many times to receive new coats of paint, particularly for her bunker – she always claimed that the quality of paint being used was very poor, but the others were not as sure.

Belle seemed much more tired as well – she was starting to struggle to keep her trains to time. Often she appeared weak-wheeled and worn out. The engines had guesses as to why, but no one could prove anything… so no one said anything.

One evening, Belle had come to the workshops. It was very late at night. She was all alone.

Until a shape began to move in the corner, and John emerged. “Hello there, Belle. My Belle. My big, beautiful Belle.” He began to move closer to her, as he had before and would again.

“They know, you know,” Belle puffed. John stopped, looking at her with an odd expression on his face. “They know what you’re doing to me. The others are all getting suspicious.”

He began to move closer to her, then, and Belle began to get that awful sense of dread again; she knew what was coming and was not looking forward to its arrival in any way. She shivered as she felt and smelled his breath upon her.

“And what do they know, my Belle? What do they think?” The passion in his voice was gone, replaced with that awful, more familiar tone that signalled Belle was in for trouble.

“They think you abuse me. They think you hurt me.” The words were so simple, yet were full of unspoken truth. Belle shook slightly as John glared with such venom. “I haven’t told them,” she quickly added, “but they suspect. Flynn, from the Search and Rescue team, asked me about it.”

“And what did you say?” John was inches from her now, looking utterly terrifying. It took Belle all of her nerve to keep quiet, for fear of retribution.

“I told him that you loved me very much, and that you weren’t hurting me.”

“That’s right, my Belle… I don’t hurt you. I may… teach you a lesson, now and again, to keep you in line… you sometimes need to learn your place… but I do give you lots of pleasure… I make you feel… so… GOOD.” A deep look had entered his eyes; he was not looking angry anymore but was now looking even more frightening…

Belle felt real, unadulterated fear; he was going to TAKE her, violate her and destroy her very self here and now, as he had done here so often before. Even though she knew what was coming, she couldn’t help but shiver uncontrollably, tears beginning to well up in her eyes. “… please… please, John… don’t…”

But as John looked at her, she knew that she would have been better off pleading with the walls. He was determined and set to do what he wanted with her, and she had no hope of escape. Still she vainly tried to beg him, as though the heart she desperately wanted to believe was inside him would thaw and melt.

It was not to be.

John pushed against her, forcing himself onto her lips and silencing her pleas for mercy and help. His own calloused and rough lips brushed crudely against her own delicate ones, as she was forced to kiss him again and again. If she refused, she knew she would suffer dreadfully… Belle kept her eyes firmly shut, hoping and wishing that it would end quickly tonight.

His tongue hit her lips and Belle stopped; she had her lips firmly shut and would NOT let him in. He would not go there tonight… but it was no good. With one deft movement, John shunted Belle back hard against the buffers; her sharp cry in pain was immediately muffled by the presence of his tongue inside her mouth. His slimy tongue moved wildly inside, outside, all over her mouth. Belle was helpless to resist.

John pulled back, looking concerned – Belle knew he surely wasn’t concerned with herself and her own feelings – and gazed into her wide eyes. “Oh, my Belle. Whatever is the matter with you? You seem so afraid.”

Belle refused to speak, silently waiting for him to proceed and finish his cruel acts upon her.

John moved closer. “I SAID,” he shouted, shunting her back hard, “WHAT’S THE MATTER? ANSWER ME!”

“Nothing, nothing, nothing at all!” Belle sobbed, the tears flowing freely down her face as she trembled before his tyranny. “I love you so much and I want you to keep going! Please!”

“What do you want me to do, again?” He asked softly, keeping an eye upon her. “Tell me. BEG me.”

“I… I want… I want you to… to…” Belle couldn’t finish, looking and feeling ashamed and thoroughly embarrassed.

“To what, my Belle? What do you want?”

Belle knew what she truly did want, but she also knew how much more pain she would be in for if she told him the truth. She knew what she had to say, and it gave her absolutely no pleasure at all to do so.

“… eat me,” Belle whispered dejectedly.

“So sorry, I didn’t catch that. What did you say?”

“You heard what I said.”

“No,” John puffed, pushing hard against her so that she was firmly stuck, “I don’t think I did. What do you want, Belle?”

“I want you to… eat me. Eat me out. Eat me and make me orgasm. Please, make me come to you.” Belle felt humiliated and thoroughly ashamed of herself – months ago she would have never thought that she would be forced to say such things, nor that she would be forced to go through with them.

“And? What else do you want?” John would not give up until he got what HE wanted, not what SHE wanted.

“To… taste you. To taste you and feel you on me.” Cringing slightly, Belle looked up at his face. There was not love present, nor care or concern. There was only lust in his eyes, that hated and damned lust burning away, not to be extinguished until she was extinguished and thoroughly spent and humiliated.

“That’s right… you do want that, don’t you? You’re so DIRTY, my Belle… and I love it.” John smirked, sending a chill down Belle’s boiler. “Why don’t I give you what you want? I’ll let you have me.”

“Thank you, master.”

“I’m not your master, my Belle,” John laughed airily. Once upon a time Belle would have felt enraged by that lie – now she only felt defeated and broken. She vaguely wondered if she would ever feel anything close to anger, or fighting spirit, again.

Then, John was dragging her backwards to the lifts at the back of the shops. This type of lift raised the engine up like a rocket launcher, so that they were perpendicular with the ground. The workmen found this was sometimes an easier method of examining the internal mechanisms of each locomotive, without having to go underneath and risk getting severely injured. The engines had, of course, found other uses for it…

Of course, John would want to make sure that HE was satisfied first. Whether or not Belle was pleasured afterwards was not a priority. As much as it made Belle revolted to think it, a part of her sometimes wished he would give her such pleasures in return… the other side was merely grateful that she would be able to leave his clutches sooner.

John had by now dropped his fire, and had let his boiler cool down. He blew Belle a kiss, and began to lift skywards. It was incredibly lucky for Belle that he could not see her shudder at this. Up and up he rose, until he was nearly perpendicular with the ground.

Belle had to grimace as she saw his underside revealed to her. Everything was there, as she had remembered it – she had seen these things before, and would probably never be able to remove them from her mind; they burned deep inside and haunted her. She considered that she was fortunate only because it would be impossible for the two to go together – otherwise, a whole new dimension of trauma and torment would surely be added upon her.

“Well? What are you waiting for? You wanted me, right?” John called, and Belle snapped back to her awful reality: John was impatient as ever.

“Just relax, master. I’ll make you feel really good.” Belle knew that talking to him like this would help to speed up the process and let him finish faster, even though she felt nauseous by such language coming out of her mouth. “You won’t BELIEVE what I will do to you tonight…”

“What did I say about…!” John’s anger and rant was interrupted by a feeling of pure pleasure cascading over him, emanating from a curious yet wonderful sensation in his steam port. He, like all steam locomotives, had a special port that released excess steam and pressure in the boiler, located directly underneath. This was crucial as the cylinder ports alone would not be able to cope with the stress of the boiler pressure all the time – this private and hidden port acted as a silent safety valve that worked more regularly.

Belle had chosen that particular moment to wrap her mouth tenderly around his port, nicely shushing him. Hating herself for what she was doing to him, and hating her body even more for responding to such acts with natural interest, she gently used her tongue to stroke his port. Belle’s tongue swirled around him, making him groan in pleasure.

Delicately, she began to suck on his port. She had had plenty of unwanted practice in doing this, and as a result had developed quite a bit of skill in this area. Belle knew exactly how hard to suck, how to use her tongue at the same time, and how to touch certain spots along his port that drove him wild. This she did, with unerring skill and determination.

Belle was artful in her application, working hard to make him happy. She knew that if he was dissatisfied or unhappy with her results, she would be the one to suffer. The tank engine did everything she could to make him pleased, injecting a touch of what passed as passion into her work. Of course, no real passion was ever applied – after Belle’s first time, she promised herself she would NEVER give him real passion, or real, loving ministrations. She did what she had to do to finish him.

After a few minutes, John’s moans grew louder in volume and intensity. “Oh Belle… I’m… get ready! Here it comes!”

Belle removed her mouth, then gently placed a delicate kiss on the very top of his port, knowing that that would surely drive him over the brink. Without failing to pause, John exploded all over Belle’s face and front end, spraying her with copious amounts of liquid. Belle shut her eyes tightly, thoroughly embarrassed and ashamed of herself for what she did and what she was about to do.

“Give me more, master… give me all of it…” Belle called to him, as she began to suck on him again. John, already incredibly sensitive after his release, was nearly sent into convulsions as he shook violently upon the lift. Belle was very good, and absolutely perfect at this in every way – he was even forgetting that she had called him ‘master’ again.

After a few moments, he groaned deeply, about to let go again. This time, Belle did not remove her mouth from his port, and instead moved even closer and put as much in her mouth as she could. Nearly gagging, Belle began to cry silently as John called out his impending release. At that moment, she wished she were scrapped.

John moaned louder than ever, and Belle moved back – but not quickly enough. John let go inside her mouth, forcing Belle to begin to swallow it down. She nearly vomited at its taste – she had been forced to do this before and she did NOT like the taste at all, and especially not when it came from him of all engines – but managed to gulp down a fair amount of it. When she could not take any more, she finally pulled back and off, choking and hacking up what was left in her mouth as well as what was recoating her face.

Finally, John was lowered down to the ground again, slightly trembling from the aftershocks of his recent explosions. Belle was absolutely soaked, his juices coating her face and running down her chin as she struggled to regain her breath. He would not notice that there were many tears mixed thoroughly with his juices, nor would he care that they were still running down her face as she spit up more of him.

“Oh, my, Belle. You did get covered, didn’t you? Such a NAUGHTY girl…” John murmured, as Belle silently cried where she stood. She was broken and defeated, thoroughly disgusted with herself for what she had done… not that he cared, of course. His needs had been satisfied, after all; what did it matter what Belle thought or felt? She was nothing, nobody, worthless and stupid, good for nothing except pleasuring John whenever he wanted. Now, she would simply return home and cry herself to sleep like she did every time this happened… like every time she was stupid enough to let this happen.

Unfortunately for Belle, tonight was not to be her lucky night. “Now, let me show you how much you mean to me, Belle,” John whispered, as he kissed her again. “Let me make you orgasm like you wanted.”

“…please, John… oh please… don’t… no…” Belle whimpered in between John’s kisses. “I can’t… need to go… please… please oh please…” Her tears were falling fresher than ever before.

John paid her pleas no attention, kissing her while building up his fire again, so that he could move her to the other lift. Once his fire was built, he began to push Belle backwards.

But Belle had, in a rare burst of incredible courage, had begun to fight John. “NO! John, no. I won’t. Not tonight. No more. I won’t!” She pushed against him, trying to fight the mighty engine as he started to struggle.

Belle paid dearly for her moment of disobedience. John shoved her back to the lift so hard that she felt her brakes burn. Screaming in pain and fear, Belle recoiled as far as she could – all the way to the other lift.

“Now, GET UP ON THE LIFT! UP, UP, UP! You’ll pay for that,” John fumed, as he sat and waited for Belle to drop her fire. For a moment, Belle considered the possibility of not dropping her fire – but she knew that John’s pain, great though it was, was nothing compared to the pain that failing to act safely would bring.

“You know that if it weren’t for me, no one would love you.” John’s words, spoken many times over, resonated deep in Belle’s mind as he repeated them yet again. “You’re nothing without me. You NEED me. You WANT me. You LOVE me. You WANT me to do this to you. You like it… such a dirty engine…”

The more he said it, the more Belle began to believe it. She was dirty. She was twisted and disgusting. And John loved it. It was unfortunate that her opinion meant nothing, for she absolutely hated herself and what she had become.

Belle felt the lift tilt her skywards, felt herself become exposed to him once more. She had responded naturally to the very unnatural and unpleasant acts she was forced to perform, meaning that her port was moist and already sensitive. Utterly mortified with herself, she trembled out of pure upset, wanting nothing more than to flee and stay away from John forevermore.

But John had other ideas. As soon as she was in the air, he plunged his tongue deep into Belle’s opening. Belle cried out from the sudden shock and sensations that now plagued her being. Even though John was truly evil he was still exceptionally good at making Belle feel so very good inside…

Suddenly, Belle felt John back away. She emitted moans of desperation that were foreign to her, shaking on the lift. Her body was betraying her… Belle would try to keep herself in check. She would be strong. She would NOT give in to him like this. Unfortunately, her own self seemed to fight against her, and she emitted sounds of longing as her opening was dripping.

“Do you want me to continue?” John was truly cruel, teasing her like this.

“Yes… no… please… help me… I…” Belle could not even think straight, so greatly enflamed was her whole being with the overwhelming urge to finish – made even worse when John carefully lapped the outside of her port, continuing again.

John knew exactly where to touch Belle to make her go wild; a tender lick in just the right place sent Belle whimpering as she tried to hold herself in. As he brushed casually against her hidden nub, Belle shook violently in a vain attempt to hold herself in and keep herself from giving in to her natural desires. She would not scream or make noise – he would not win… or perhaps he would; Belle’s desires were wound to an even higher pitch when he bit her nub with his teeth, causing her to scream in pain and primal pleasure. 

Belle held on, however – she would NOT orgasm for him. She would not give him the satisfaction… yes, she WOULD… NO, she couldn’t… but she would… she always did… he knew how to get to her in ways that no one else could… Belle’s mind was reeling from the overload of pleasure. Struggling to hold herself in whilst silently crying with upset and an overflowing need for release, she simply wanted death. Death was preferable to giving in and letting him have her juices yet again, much better than giving herself to him again. She could barely hear the sounds of sirens outside, getting closer and closer… she was so close to collapse; her orgasm was imminent and it would be massive…

With a crash, Flynn the Fire Engine burst in, surveying the scene with growing horror and disgust. Framed in the doorway of the workshops, with his lights blazing and siren wailing, he looked like a true heroic figure, ready to save the damsel in distress from the evil that enslaved her.

“STOP RIGHT THERE!” Flynn bellowed. “YOU ARE UNDER ARREST BY THE RAILWAY SEARCH AND RESCUE SQUADRON!”

The light and noise had frightened Belle so much that she lost the last vestiges of her self-control – with a scream that cut through Flynn’s heart like a sharp blade, Belle finally released herself all over him and John. Shaking and wailing, Belle sprayed them both with a cool jet of liquid. The two were covered in Belle’s juices.

For a moment, there was silence, save for Belle’s whimpers and gasps as she struggled to bring herself back from her peak. Flynn’s face darkened dramatically as he began to shake with fury and rage.

“What, the HELL,” Flynn shouted, “are you DOING TO HER? YOU SICK FU–”

“Flynn, old boy,” John interjected smoothly, “Did you not see that we were busy? We were in the middle of something very special, and you went and ruined it. I’d leave if I were you, and never speak of this again, before something happens to you. Being on the railway’s ‘special services’ team does not make you impervious to trouble, even if you’re… American.”

“There was nothing special about what you were doing to Belle,” Flynn said, his voice full of anger and hatred for this engine. “You were abusing her and have been for months. Do you honestly think we haven’t seen it?”

“Obviously not, or else you would have stopped me. I guess you just don’t care about Belle like I do.”

“You’re right. We don’t treat her like you do. We care for her and love her. You don’t – you hurt her and assault her. You use her. You don’t love her at all.”

“What’s your point?”

Belle felt her heart split in two, to possibly never be whole again. Any hope of continuing on the desperate charade, that dream that he did truly care for her, was shattered instantly. So great was her distress that she barely heard Flynn’s next words:

“My point is that you’re officially in big trouble. I’ve got the proof I need to have you brought up on charges of assault and abuse – more specifically, rape. You’re done here.”

“I don’t think so. It’ll be hard for you and your Controller to punish me if I’m not here.”

Before Flynn could stop him, John had raced away as fast as he possibly could, his newly-rebuilt fire burning bright as he sped away into the night. Flynn seriously considered running after him – it was possible that he could catch him.

However, the tank engine on the lift was his most important concern at that moment. He waited until Belle had been lowered down onto the ground before approaching. She looked so broken, afraid, and utterly defeated. It was a look that Flynn knew no engine should ever wear.

Flynn carefully moved closer to her, but stopped suddenly when Belle looked up in surprise. Her eyes were wide, and her fear evident – he hoped that he would never see Belle make this face again. She was far too beautiful in his opinion to be so upset. He simply waited for the fear to slowly leave her face, until she was at last sure that she could trust him.

“Belle? Are you all right?” Flynn asked quietly. He spoke kindly and softly, in the hope that he would not frighten the already tense tank engine.

“… he… John, he…” Belle started to speak, the tears already forming in her eyes. “I… I… we… you…”

“It’s all right, Belle,” Flynn said softly. “You’re safe now. He won’t hurt you anymore. I won’t let him.”

Belle looked at the fire engine through her rapidly-watering eyes, and saw how much simple concern and conviction he had. Somehow, she believed him when she couldn’t believe herself anymore. He was telling her the truth: John would not touch her again. It was over. Belle was freed.

The night’s events became too much to bear, suddenly, and Belle began to sob openly. Her face grew redder from her anguish as she wailed where she stood. Flynn cautiously moved forward, ready to back away should Belle react suddenly, until she was crying into him. Belle stayed where she was, unable to move. She simply could not care about anything any longer, except spewing out her grief and inner anguish like John’s fluids from her mouth.

Flynn kept her close to him, letting her cry and whispering small bits of comfort to her as she sobbed. Not once did Flynn ever let Belle think he would leave her when she needed him most. By the time Belle eventually fell asleep, exhausted, it was nearly morning. The night was over; the day was just beginning.

***

The Controller had come to see Flynn and Belle. The two had not moved from the back of the workshops; Flynn had asked a small Scottish ‘Pug’ tank engine to find the Controller and bring him to them. At Flynn’s insistence, no one came near them or spoke to them.

Belle was silent, not saying a word other than the weak ‘good morning’ she had given Flynn when she awoke. She had not even cleaned herself off from the previous evening’s events, leaving her feeling very ashamed and humiliated. She simply could not face the other engines and their eyes boring guilt and discrimination into her.

Flynn did the entirety of the two engines’ talking to the Controller. Out of respect to Belle’s feelings, he glossed over the exact details whilst still making the main points very well known. By the time he was finished, both tank engine and Controller were red in the face; Belle was embarrassed and the Controller stern.

“Belle, why did you not come to someone once this started? We would have taken care of things immediately. You did not have to suffer like this.”

“… I was ashamed, sir…” Belle said in a small voice. “… I didn’t want to be humiliated by everyone. They would have thought I was… easy. Weak. Stupid. They wouldn’t look at me the same way again. Now that everyone will know…” Belle began to cry again. “It doesn’t matter anymore. No one will look at me like they did before. They’ll think I’m…”

“Strong.” The Controller was firm. “They’ll think you’re brave and strong. You are braver than most engines here. However, if you wish, I can keep… certain details… quiet for you.”

“Thank you, sir,” Belle whispered. “I need to get cleaned first, though.”

“I’ll help with that,” Flynn volunteered. “I’ll make sure your privacy is secured before you leave here, and then I’ll take you to the engine wash.”

“That’s a good idea, Flynn. Keep Belle with you today – keep her safe. Now you need to get back to work. Belle,” the Controller said, turning to the tank engine, “you can start work tomorrow if you wish. At some point in the near future I want you to go to the Works for a thorough examination – possibly Crewe.”

“Yes, sir,” Belle puffed, as Flynn carefully helped her out of the workshops without being seen.

***

It had been a few weeks since the incident had happened. The Controller had told the other engines that Belle had been abused – he would not speak of any details, but informed them all to treat Belle with kindness and equality. A policy of openness was implemented, with engines being honest with each other and not keeping any more secrets. Abuse and discrimination would result in the offending engine being sent away.

John was noticeable by his absence from a few days before this. The other engines, through the rumour mill, had found out why. No time was wasted in attempting to spread the word to other yards in the area, in the hope that he would never be able to strike again. Secretly, some of the engines wanted him to come back – so they could teach him a lesson.

True to the Controller’s word, Belle was not criticized or looked down upon when she made her return to work. On the contrary, she was treated with the utmost respect from the other engines. As per the usual standard, the rumour mill had made its way through the yards concerning Belle, and while some of it was false, the rest was indeed true. However, the other engines simply looked upon Belle with even more adoration and respect after that – not all of them could have been as brave, in their minds.

Belle, in response, tried to keep herself somewhat isolated from the other engines. She had enough trouble getting through the days without having everyone always concerned about her.

One evening, Belle returned to her shed after running a long service between two major cities. The journey had been uneventful but long, and she was looking forward to a rest. Unusually, there were no other engines sharing the shed with her that evening; the others were either working into the night or else staying at other sheds overnight, to return the next morning.

Then, with a roar of his engine, Flynn arrived. He had taken it upon himself to keep checking up on Belle regularly, to make sure she was feeling better and recovering as well as she could. He felt a deep sense of concern and care for her – perhaps it was love; Flynn usually pushed such thoughts aside but it was very possible…

“Good evening, Belle. How are you doing tonight?” Flynn always tried to keep a cheerful face for Belle, even on days she was feeling poorly.

“Tired, Flynn; thanks for asking,” Belle puffed. “I was about to turn in for the night.”

“You haven’t been sleeping well, have you? The other engines told me,” Flynn added, seeing the look on Belle’s face as he spoke. “You’re thinking of him, aren’t you?”

Belle’s face was downcast as she spoke: “I shouldn’t be like this. I should be strong and cheerful like I was. This isn’t normal.”

“It’s normal for anyone to have some residual fears and thoughts. You are no less of an engine because of it – having weaknesses does not make you weak. It makes you normal. I have weaknesses myself.”

“You don’t have nightmares every night,” Belle mumbled shamefacedly. “I still see him in my mind… coming at me… doing those things to me…”

“Would it help you if I stayed with you?” Flynn asked. “I can stay with you tonight and try to help you through it.”

“I couldn’t ask you to do that, Flynn,” Belle said quickly. “You’ve been so kind already, and you’ve done so much for me… you couldn’t possibly…”

“I insist. I want to help you, Belle – you should have someone here with you, to care for you and be there for you when you need them. I only want to be your friend, and be that someone to be there for you. Please?”

Belle felt her eyes begin to water. “Thank you so much, Flynn. You’re a truly great friend. But won’t your friends at the Search and Rescue Centre miss you?”

“Not at all. I’m not that far away from here, so I can be easily found if need be.”

With that, Flynn parked next to Belle, and the two went to sleep for the night. At first, things were smooth and calm, but halfway through the night Belle began to make whimpering noises – softly at first, then gradually getting louder and more terrible. It was clear that her nightmares were beginning again, and she was being tormented by the memory of John.

Flynn quietly whispered to her as she struggled to sleep. “Belle… it’s okay, Belle… you’re safe, you’re all right… he isn’t here… he won’t hurt you…”

As if she could hear him, Belle began to quieten down. Flynn kept talking to her as she began to dream peacefully again. Immensely proud of himself, Flynn began to drift back off, keeping himself just awake enough to be able to respond if and when Belle needed him again.

Belle began to moan softly – the dreams were returning. “…no… no… please… John, no… DON’T, please…” she groaned, getting louder despite Flynn’s words of comfort. “NO, OH PLEASE! HELP!”

With a start, Belle awoke and screamed a terrible scream of fear and anguish; Flynn’s heart went to her as she began to settle down once more. Finally back in firm reality, Belle began to cry openly; Flynn spoke to her and comforted her to try to calm her down.

“Oh, F-Flynn,” Belle gasped, “Why do I do this? Why am I so weak?”

“You are NOT weak,” Flynn emphasized. “You are incredibly brave. You are braver than any of us. You’ve actually come a long way – you used to need another engine around all the time. Now you only need someone with you when you sleep. That’s not as unusual as you think.”

Belle gazed at Flynn with deep respect. “You’re right, Flynn. I should be brave – I will be brave. I’ll be as brave as I can be!”

“You know, if you ever wanted to use that bravery for good, you should consider joining the Search and Rescue team,” Flynn said suddenly. “We could use another railway engine on the team, and you’re powerful enough to do lots of things for us.”

Belle was startled – she had never considered a career with the elite Search and Rescue team. Their work was dangerous and difficult, but provided great rewards for everyone – railway policing, fire and medical emergencies, and many other services. “Do you really think so?” she asked hopefully. “I’m not that brave no matter what you and the others all say. I was scared out of my mind.”

“But you were brave enough to face him continually. Perhaps not brave enough to get the help you should have, but still very brave. You faced demons far greater than any one of us could scarce imagine, and you beat them. You’re still here. You’re the bravest engine I’ve ever met.”

Belle beamed broadly from buffer to buffer. “So you do think I can do it?”

“Absolutely. We need another engine, and I’m sure your Controller won’t mind letting you go to work with us. Have you ever considered working for the fire service? There’s a trial program that we’re considering putting to practice, where we fit water cannons onto a steam engine…”

***

Back in the present, Belle was still remembering the events of old. Flynn was keeping an eye on her, in case things got worse. Immersed in memories of the past, coupled with that underlying fear, Belle sat in a state of readiness.

It was a while before Flynn spoke up. “Belle?” he whispered softly. “Speak to me, Belle. What are you thinking about?”

Belle did not respond. She still stared out into space, lost in her memories and feelings.

“Belle.” Flynn spoke up this time, so that Belle would be able to hear him. Belle immediately snapped out of her state, looking around in surprise before seeing that she was still safe on Sodor.

“It’s over, Belle. He won’t hurt you anymore. You’re safe here. You’ll always be safe here with me.” Flynn stopped for a moment, looking slightly apologetic at Belle’s bemused expression. “That didn’t come out right… I know you don’t love me like I love you.”

Belle chuckled slightly. “Not right now, Flynn, but maybe in time. You are my best friend, and I have nothing but respect for you. I know what you meant, though. Thank you.” Her face was now filled with sadness again. “Will it ever go away? These awful memories and my fear… will it ever go away for good? It’s been years… but it still seems so fresh.”

“I can’t say,” said Flynn sadly. “It may never go away. You dealt with things no engine should ever have to deal with.”

“I just keep seeing him and his face… that horrible face trying to kiss me… and I see myself doing those things to him again and again…” The tears were beginning to form in Belle’s eyes as she remembered. “Why did he do that to me, Flynn? What did I do?”

“Nothing.” Flynn’s conviction was sharp and clear. “You did NOTHING to make him abuse you. You were and are so innocent. He was truly evil. You are NOT to blame.” He had said it many times over and again, he felt the same way.

“But I AM, Flynn!” Belle cried suddenly. “He… he… when he…”

“When he what, Belle?” Flynn asked, ready to fight Belle on her unyielding convictions of guilt.

“He made me orgasm, Flynn!” Belle sobbed. “He made me wet when I was doing it to him, and he made me come to him! He raped me and I… I must have wanted him to do it! Why else would I orgasm like that? I am easy, I am a dirty –”

“Enough!” Flynn spoke sharply. “This was NOT your fault, Belle; I’ve told you countless times that you are innocent. Did you WANT him to touch you there? Did you WANT him to make you orgasm? Did you WANT to touch him and suck him off?”

“Never!” Belle wailed, real fear flashing across her face. “No, no, never again! Please, Flynn!”

“Then it is not your fault, Belle. You didn’t ask him to do it. You reacted naturally. Anyone else would have reacted in the same way. You are not weak or easy, Belle – you are as normal as the rest of us.” Flynn was speaking more kindly – it had never been his intention to frighten Belle like that, and he hated himself for doing that. “Please, Belle… he was absolutely cruel to you. Don’t be hard on yourself as well. Remember, you are a very strong engine – don’t give up on yourself.”

Once more, as in times of old, Belle looked at Flynn with adoration and a deep respect. He was right; she WAS strong. She had gotten this far, and would continue to go far. Belle would survive… she would thrive. Flynn would always be there to help her through the tough times if she needed him, but Belle would be the one to succeed… as she had, as she was, as she would continue to. “Thank you, Flynn. Thank you so much for everything.”

“It’s my pleasure, Belle. You know I’ll always be here for you. Now, let’s try to get some sleep.”

Flynn closed his eyes and fell asleep quickly. Belle, however, took a little longer to drift off. For a while, she sat and watched the starry night sky. Deep in thought about her past and present, she finally settled into a comfortable thought about her future, which looked brighter than before. Closing her eyes, Belle slept deeply and peacefully beside her best friend and partner. Neither of them would realize that it would be the first time since Belle’s rescue that she had slept peacefully and soundly through the entire night.


End file.
